Re: Jed Calvert\'s Paradoxical Deathwish pt2

apologies for the confusion of anyone recieving Jed Calvert's
Paradoxical Deathwish pt1 and 2 by email being exactly the same, i
posted part 2 today and accidentally called it part 1, so deleted it
from the group and resent.
the real part 1 was posted last week.
-Onion
--- In JMC_Blue_Dwarf@yahoogroups.com, "Onion" <theonion770@h...> wrote:
>
> Jed Calvert's Paradoxical Deathwish pt2
>
> <especially long SNIP as even I cant remember what happened last time>
>
> Who: Captain Jed Calvert (of THIS timeline) of the JMC Fools Gold
> Where: Earth
> When: Same time
>
> The Jed Calvert of this timeframe was currently rubbing his hands
> together with glee. He had just bought several barrels of moonshine
> from a greasy haired redneck in a dirty t-shirt called `Earl'.
>
> He was rubbing his hands together because he knew he'd make a killing
> on these barrels. Once Earth was destroyed, these barrels would become
> so rare they'd be like gold dust, and could afford Jed an entire
> moon-ranch to retire on. All he had to do was hide the barrels from
> his crew, who were expecting to use the empty cargo space in their
> ship to transport human evacuees.
>
> Little did Jed know that in little over a week's time he'd be sat
> naked on a dessert planet, abandoned by his crew.
>
> <end SNIP>
>
> Time travel always things complicated, especially when you travel
> backwards through time to meet yourself. This was always considered
> somewhat of an impossibility because to change your past, means that
> you don't go back and change the past etc etc. But it is thought that
> when travelling back and changing the past, you are in fact creating a
> NEW universe. A new timeline is created based on your senseless
meddling.
>
> Captain Jed Calvert of the JMC Fools Gold wasn't concerned about this
> however, as he had no idea that his future self was travelling to
see him.
>
> He had however considered what his reaction would be if he met
> himself. Would they shake hands? would they hug? Would they go down to
> the local bar at high-noon and share a bottle of cheap whiskey?
>
> Jed Felt a cold steel gun barrel pointed into his neck. He stopped
moving.
>
> Jed was used to this, along his career, and especially his sub-career
> of smuggling he'd met plenty of nefarious characters who he had pissed
> off at some time or another. So feeling a gun barrel in his neck was
> as familiar as mum's old fashioned horse steak.
>
> "Jed." Came a voice behind him.
> Jed replied with a casual grunt.
> "Jed I knows whut you're doing. An' believe me, it's a bad idea."
>
> Jed still had his back to his opponent, so had no idea who it was who
> was speaking. All he could tell is that he spoke with a redneck accent
> just like him.
>
> "Who's you to be tellin' me it's a bad idea? Ah'm gonna make me a mint
> when this rock blows up. There'll be millions of people gagging for
> some liquor, and I'll be the one to supply it."
>
> "Yeah but what you don't realise is that it's… its just a bad idea
okay!"
>
> Jed furrowed his brow and turned around quickly to face his assailant.
> He came face to face with himself.
> "Wow." He said. "Nice hat."
> "Well, thank you mighty much." Said Jed of the future. "I nicked it
> from some gringo in a saloon."
> "Wow, you really ARE me aren't you? So, you're from the future or whut?"
>
> Jed from the future put the gun down.
> "Yes. And ah'm probably screwing up the timeline by tellin' yo this,
> but if you take any more barrels of moonshine onto thatship, you're
> low life good fur nothin' crew will wonder why they can't take on more
> people to save."
>
> "Oh man, yo' mean I have to actually save some people?" Jed said,
> looking quite pissed off. "Whuts the worst that could happen? I mean,
> ah'm still alive right?"
>
> "But you'll loose your ship."
>
> "I'll get another one."
>
> "But you'll loose your crew."
>
> "I'll get more, they've got too much conscience anyways."
>
> "But you'll be left to die on a dessert planet."
>
> "I'll escape. It looks like you did. What's the worst that could
> happen, I get sand in my bumhole?"
>
> "Don't joke, it still stings. Anyway, my point is, life won't be as
> good if you make this decision."
>
> "Why?"
>
> His former self was really starting to piss him off now. "Because
> you'll die, alright! You'll die of cancer?"
>
> "Cancer? Dang. I always imagined going out in a bar brawl over a cheap
> hooker, or shot by a kingpin's goon."
>
> "Yes. Well its not cancer as such, more like cellular radiation
> poisoning. Its pretty bad." Jed coughed up some blood to prove it. He
> didn't have much time left.
>
> "Wow, that's bad." Said Jed, seeing his future self mop back the blood
> with a ragged hanky. "But thing is fella, you know how stubborn I am.
> I'm not gonna just get rid of these barrels. I still reckon I can make
> a mint out of them if Earth's gonna blow up."
>
> "Aye it is."
>
> "Then I just need to hide them better."
>
> Jed was about to loose him temper now, his previous self wasn't
> listening to any kind of reason. And as they were both as stubborn as
> each other, he knew he'd have to do something drastic to make him
listen.
>
> "NO!" He pulled the gun out on him again. "LISTEN TO ME! You can
> change your future, but only if you get rid of those barrels and do
> what you crew wants. You don't realise how easy you have it now, if
> you still want to be the best goddam smuggler in the universe, you
> have to do it under the rouse of a JMC captain. Any other ship you can
> buy on the black market will be far shitter. Especially the one I
> nicked that leaked radiation all over the place."
>
> "Then I just won't get that ship." Jed said, folding his arms.
>
> "Just listen to me!" Jed got pissed off and shot at the ground around
> his past self's feet. Jed just stood there casually, ignoring the
> bullets bouncing around his toes.
>
> Realising he had to do something far more drastic, Jed from the future
> kicked over a barrel of moonshine. This made his past self move to
> stop him. "Hey, don't do that! Do you know how much these barrels cost
> me?"
> "Of course I do!" said Jed.
>
> He tried to kick another over. "If this is the only way to stop you-"
> He was cut off by a left hook to his chin. Normally Jed would have
> been able to take this in his stride, and immediately punch back, but
> in his weakened state he recoiled back and wiped the blood from his
lip.
>
> "So, you want to play it like this do you?" He said, stepped forward
> and pretended to punch Jed in the face but while he was blocking,
> kneed him between the legs.
> Past Jed crossed his legs but didn't wait to give his future self
> another opportunity. He leaped back up and tweaked his nipples, making
> the other Jed scream in pain. He kicked him back where he fell over a
> barrel of moonshine, toppling a stack of more barrels.
>
> Before either of them could react to the toppling barrels, one from
> the top fell onto the future Jed.
>
> The barrel rolled away, and Jed could see that his future self was
> bleeding from the head. He knelt down by his side.
>
> "Jed? Jed. Listen buddy, I didn't mean for that to happen, I thought
> we were just play fighting…"
> Jed looked up, dazed and wounded. "If you really want this to happen
> to you… " he wheezed in his last breaths. "…save as many people from
> Earth as you can."
>
> Then his head rolled to one side.
>
> Jed Calvert was dead.
>
> Captain Jed Calvert of the JMC Fools Gold looked at himself. A moment
> of panic came over him, something that he very rarely felt. He wasn't
> afraid of dying, but was still looking forward to being killed in a
> bar brawl over a cheap hooker, or shot by a kingpin's goon. But now he
> knew this was how he died, he was worried.
>
> But as stubborn a man as he was, Jed simply got up. Removed the nifty
> cowboy hat from his dead future self, and continued loading the
> barrels of moonshine into his ship.
>
> "I'll find another way to change the future." He said to himself.
>
> < To be continued... >
>