Jed Calvert's Paradoxical Deathwish pt2

Jed Calvert's Paradoxical Deathwish pt2
<especially long SNIP as even I cant remember what happened last time>
Who: Captain Jed Calvert (of THIS timeline) of the JMC Fools Gold
Where: Earth
When: Same time
The Jed Calvert of this timeframe was currently rubbing his hands
together with glee. He had just bought several barrels of moonshine
from a greasy haired redneck in a dirty t-shirt called `Earl'.
He was rubbing his hands together because he knew he'd make a killing
on these barrels. Once Earth was destroyed, these barrels would become
so rare they'd be like gold dust, and could afford Jed an entire
moon-ranch to retire on. All he had to do was hide the barrels from
his crew, who were expecting to use the empty cargo space in their
ship to transport human evacuees.
Little did Jed know that in little over a week's time he'd be sat
naked on a dessert planet, abandoned by his crew.
<end SNIP>
Time travel always things complicated, especially when you travel
backwards through time to meet yourself. This was always considered
somewhat of an impossibility because to change your past, means that
you don't go back and change the past etc etc. But it is thought that
when travelling back and changing the past, you are in fact creating a
NEW universe. A new timeline is created based on your senseless meddling.
Captain Jed Calvert of the JMC Fools Gold wasn't concerned about this
however, as he had no idea that his future self was travelling to see him.
He had however considered what his reaction would be if he met
himself. Would they shake hands? would they hug? Would they go down to
the local bar at high-noon and share a bottle of cheap whiskey?
Jed Felt a cold steel gun barrel pointed into his neck. He stopped moving.
Jed was used to this, along his career, and especially his sub-career
of smuggling he'd met plenty of nefarious characters who he had pissed
off at some time or another. So feeling a gun barrel in his neck was
as familiar as mum's old fashioned horse steak.
"Jed." Came a voice behind him.
Jed replied with a casual grunt.
"Jed I knows whut you're doing. An' believe me, it's a bad idea."
Jed still had his back to his opponent, so had no idea who it was who
was speaking. All he could tell is that he spoke with a redneck accent
just like him.
"Who's you to be tellin' me it's a bad idea? Ah'm gonna make me a mint
when this rock blows up. There'll be millions of people gagging for
some liquor, and I'll be the one to supply it."
"Yeah but what you don't realise is that it's… its just a bad idea okay!"
Jed furrowed his brow and turned around quickly to face his assailant.
He came face to face with himself.
"Wow." He said. "Nice hat."
"Well, thank you mighty much." Said Jed of the future. "I nicked it
from some gringo in a saloon."
"Wow, you really ARE me aren't you? So, you're from the future or whut?"
Jed from the future put the gun down.
"Yes. And ah'm probably screwing up the timeline by tellin' yo this,
but if you take any more barrels of moonshine onto thatship, you're
low life good fur nothin' crew will wonder why they can't take on more
people to save."
"Oh man, yo' mean I have to actually save some people?" Jed said,
looking quite pissed off. "Whuts the worst that could happen? I mean,
ah'm still alive right?"
"But you'll loose your ship."
"I'll get another one."
"But you'll loose your crew."
"I'll get more, they've got too much conscience anyways."
"But you'll be left to die on a dessert planet."
"I'll escape. It looks like you did. What's the worst that could
happen, I get sand in my bumhole?"
"Don't joke, it still stings. Anyway, my point is, life won't be as
good if you make this decision."
"Why?"
His former self was really starting to piss him off now. "Because
you'll die, alright! You'll die of cancer?"
"Cancer? Dang. I always imagined going out in a bar brawl over a cheap
hooker, or shot by a kingpin's goon."
"Yes. Well its not cancer as such, more like cellular radiation
poisoning. Its pretty bad." Jed coughed up some blood to prove it. He
didn't have much time left.
"Wow, that's bad." Said Jed, seeing his future self mop back the blood
with a ragged hanky. "But thing is fella, you know how stubborn I am.
I'm not gonna just get rid of these barrels. I still reckon I can make
a mint out of them if Earth's gonna blow up."
"Aye it is."
"Then I just need to hide them better."
Jed was about to loose him temper now, his previous self wasn't
listening to any kind of reason. And as they were both as stubborn as
each other, he knew he'd have to do something drastic to make him listen.
"NO!" He pulled the gun out on him again. "LISTEN TO ME! You can
change your future, but only if you get rid of those barrels and do
what you crew wants. You don't realise how easy you have it now, if
you still want to be the best goddam smuggler in the universe, you
have to do it under the rouse of a JMC captain. Any other ship you can
buy on the black market will be far shitter. Especially the one I
nicked that leaked radiation all over the place."
"Then I just won't get that ship." Jed said, folding his arms.
"Just listen to me!" Jed got pissed off and shot at the ground around
his past self's feet. Jed just stood there casually, ignoring the
bullets bouncing around his toes.
Realising he had to do something far more drastic, Jed from the future
kicked over a barrel of moonshine. This made his past self move to
stop him. "Hey, don't do that! Do you know how much these barrels cost
me?"
"Of course I do!" said Jed.
He tried to kick another over. "If this is the only way to stop you-"
He was cut off by a left hook to his chin. Normally Jed would have
been able to take this in his stride, and immediately punch back, but
in his weakened state he recoiled back and wiped the blood from his lip.
"So, you want to play it like this do you?" He said, stepped forward
and pretended to punch Jed in the face but while he was blocking,
kneed him between the legs.
Past Jed crossed his legs but didn't wait to give his future self
another opportunity. He leaped back up and tweaked his nipples, making
the other Jed scream in pain. He kicked him back where he fell over a
barrel of moonshine, toppling a stack of more barrels.
Before either of them could react to the toppling barrels, one from
the top fell onto the future Jed.
The barrel rolled away, and Jed could see that his future self was
bleeding from the head. He knelt down by his side.
"Jed? Jed. Listen buddy, I didn't mean for that to happen, I thought
we were just play fighting…"
Jed looked up, dazed and wounded. "If you really want this to happen
to you… " he wheezed in his last breaths. "…save as many people from
Earth as you can."
Then his head rolled to one side.
Jed Calvert was dead.
Captain Jed Calvert of the JMC Fools Gold looked at himself. A moment
of panic came over him, something that he very rarely felt. He wasn't
afraid of dying, but was still looking forward to being killed in a
bar brawl over a cheap hooker, or shot by a kingpin's goon. But now he
knew this was how he died, he was worried.
But as stubborn a man as he was, Jed simply got up. Removed the nifty
cowboy hat from his dead future self, and continued loading the
barrels of moonshine into his ship.
"I'll find another way to change the future." He said to himself.
< To be continued... >